|
Families on the go Magazine
>
Parenting Tips > Article
Parenting Tips
Three Discipline Basics
By Family First Staff
Non-negotiable Discipline
The first step in non-negotiable discipline is to set up
consequences for misbehavior in advance. Once those are in place
explain the consequences to your child so they know what to
expect. Then, when disobedience occurs, calmly relay the
consequences. At that point, don't negotiate consequences with
your children.
A friend of mine recently took a privilege away from his daughter
for willful disobedience. She lost the privilege of taking the car
out Friday night. Well, she wasn't going to take no for an answer
and pleaded with her parents to let her wash, wax and clean the
car instead. But, her parents stuck with their decision.
Establish clear, non-negotiable consequences for misbehavior ahead
of time - then stick to them.
Private Discipline
Discipline is something that should be handled in private. Think
about how you would feel if someone corrected you in front of
other people. It's not a very positive experience.
So, when your child misbehaves, quietly acknowledge the
misbehavior. Then, tell them that their consequences will follow
when you get home. If you feel like you do need to address the
issue right away, find a private place and handle it there.
Disciplining in private is really a matter of respect. Even in
moments of correction we need to treat our children respectfully.
Now, an exception to the above is correction with very young
children, 5-years-old or younger. Look at this example of a
4-year-old wanting his mother's attention when she is talking to a
friend.
Mom: So anyway, Beth, the doctor said it would probably take her
about a week to recuperate and then… (Interrupted by her child)
Child: Mommy! I want to ask you something! Mommy! Where's my
dinosaur?
Mom: Excuse me Beth. Son, you know that you're not supposed to
interrupt people when they're talking, don't you?
Child: Yes, Mommy.
Mom: Ok, then wait quietly and I'll be right with you.
Even in this case, the mother treated her son respectfully. She
remained calm and spoke to him kindly.
Calm Discipline
Have you ever heard it said, "I was so angry, I couldn't see
straight?" There's some physiological truth to that statement. In
his book, How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others and Resolve
Conflicts, Dr. Robert Bolton says, "Emotional arousal actually
makes us different people than who we are in moments of greater
calmness. When we are angry or fearful, our adrenalin flows faster
and our strength increases by about 20 percent."
That condition is ideal for escaping danger, but it is not the
best frame of mind for calmly disciplining our children. Instead,
it's best to wait until the heat of the moment has passed. If you
need to, physically remove yourself from your child. Go into the
next room if you have to, and calm down. Take some deep breaths or
pray. If you can't physically get away, resolve to hold your words
until you are calmer. Then, clear your mind and review the
consequences available for the current misbehavior. Once you have
calmed down, share the consequences with your child.
Family First, an independent,
non-profit research and communications organization dedicated to
strengthening the family.
back to top |
