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Parenting Empowerment: Living Safe
By: Pamela Wiggins, LMHC
Hardly a day goes by that we do not
read a tragic story of a child being abused or abducted. It is an
incomprehensible thought that someone could harm a child. As a
way of hoping no one could penetrate our world of safety and
security, our minds quickly take us to the thought, “This could
not happen to me.” We reconcile our feelings to the belief that
as a parent we have told our children not to talk to strangers.
However, the truth is parents can not be with their children
twenty-four hours a day and most abuse happens not with a stranger
but with someone the child knows within the family or extended
network of family friends and/or acquaintances.
For society to fight back, we need to
arm ourselves with the knowledge and skills needed to keep our
children safe. Ignorance is the perpetrators greatest weapon. Do
we want to leave the safety of our children to chance fueled by
our ignorance, or do we want to gain the knowledge and skills
needed as parents to protect our children?
How can we begin to gain the knowledge
needed so as parents we can teach our children to be safe?
First, as a parent, we face our own
discomfort of the subject. It may begin with facing our fears of
losing our children or facing our own history of past
victimization. We can accomplish this by talking with other
parents, speaking with a mental health professional, inviting
experts to speak on the subject at schools, civic organizations
and/or churches.
Second, as a parents, we need to speak
to our children in a calm, non-threatening manner when teaching
ways to stay safe. “As we teach our children we give them a gift
of safety not of fear when we begin to teach our children to be
safe,” stated Corporal Denise Nestor of the Pinellas County
Sheriffs office Live Safe program during a presentation at St.
Johns Catholic School in South St. Petersburg, Florida, (Wednesday
November 7, 2007 6:00pm). Corporal Nestor continued to say, “We
must face the potential danger our children are facing so we can
train them how to be confident in the decisions they make to keep
themselves safe.” By openly discussing the issue, children learn
to be familiar with the subject and will speak openly with parents
when and if they need to report unsafe experiences instead of
seeing it as a “big secret” topic.
Third, teach and practice ‘what-if”
scenarios. “What if a stranger asks you to help him find his dog?”
“What if someone you know asks you to do something that makes you
feel uncomfortable?” Giving children permission to not be polite
in social situations if they feel uncomfortable or helping
children find a way to get out of an unsafe experience allows for
them to have options they would have not considered otherwise.
Using social situations to like going to the mall or going
shopping to practice the “what-if’ scenarios are great teachable
moments for everyone in the family.
Fourth, teach children to tell a
trusted adult if they experience an unsafe event. We would prefer
our children to come to the parents, but often children are
embarrassed or threatened that if they tell their parents
something horrible would happen to them or their parents. Giving
our children the options of going to a trust family friend or
trusted adult figure at school can be critical in a time of crisis
for the child.
Fifth, make it common practice to
review with children “Knowing my Rules for Safety.” (The National
Center for Missing and Exploited Children) 2005. These rules
include, Checking first with an adult before going anywhere,
taking a friend when going out to play or going places, telling
people “No” when they try to cause you harm, and tell an adult you
trust if anything happens.
We can empower our children to respond
to potentially dangers situations with confidence and not fear.
This year make the decision to give the gift of safety to children
by teaching them safety rules.
Pamela Wiggins is currently in
practice with her husband at Integrity Counseling and Coaching
located in Largo, Florida. Both are licensed mental health
counselors having over 20 years experience working with families.
Local Resources:
National Resources: The National
Center for Missing and Exploited Children
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