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Feature Articles
November / December 2007
Remembering Military
Families During the Holidays
By: Patricia Erickson
During the holiday season, many of us turn our attention to those
in need. However, one group that endures great hardship, but is
often overlooked, is the military family. Most of us do not stop
to think about the responsibilities and hurts that these families
bear – especially around the holidays. Throughout the year, they
sacrifice time spent with their spouse or parent during
deployments, they sacrifice friendships and a stable home life
each time they move across country, and they sacrifice peace of
mind because they love someone in a dangerous occupation. These
stresses are only magnified from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day.
While most Americans think of deployment as our country's chance
to keep peace around the world, to military families it means long
separations, emotional distress and lifestyle adjustments. Whereas
corporate parents may say goodbye to their children for the next
eight hours, parents leaving for deployment say goodbye for the
next six months. Imagine missing the birth of your child; fearing
your infant will forget who your are; or feeling guilt over
knowing your spouse is struggling alone, while at the same time
worrying that your family will do a little too well without you.
The family left at home doesn't have it much easier. Military
spouses suddenly find themselves in the role of single parent –
donning the hats of mother, father, accountant, mechanic and
full-time chauffeur of the family – and they are often in cities
where they have no family to call on for support.
Deployment during the holidays means that the military dependents
commemorate Christmas dinner and ring in the New Year as an
incomplete unit, while the deployed member spends the day without
family in a foreign, or even hostile country. Imagine how
heartbreaking it must be for a parent consoling a child who
doesn't understand why Mommy or Daddy can't be home to open
presents on Christmas or watch the fireworks on New Year's Eve
with them.
Over the years the military family moves often – relinquishing a
stable home life, leaving behind friends, and enduring an erratic
civilian career – and the negative impact of this transient
lifestyle often hits home hardest during the holidays. Of course
most civilian families will experience a move due to a job
transfer at some point, but military families are uprooted every
few years. In fact, "uprooted" is a misnomer, because they are
never in one place long enough to plant deep roots. This is a
season intended to be celebrated with loved ones, but what about
the military family who just moved to a new town and can't afford
to travel to see family or friends?
Another way that military families sacrifice is the emotional toll
from worrying over the safety of their loved one and the stress of
this lifestyle. But even with these powerful emotions present, the
family often suppresses these concerns out of benefit for the
military member. Military spouses are reluctant to express
frustrations when talking with their deployed partner, they put
aside disgust at living in a subzero climate for the next three
years, and they try to keep the holiday mood festive even though
part of their family is away.
So as you consider helping those in need this holiday season, or
throughout this new year, recognize that the families of military
personnel make extensive sacrifices that civilian families don't.
If you know a military family suffering through deployment,
consider making them a part of your family over the holidays.
Offer to take a family portrait by the Christmas tree or Menorah
to send to the deployed family member, or give them long distance
phone cards to keep in touch. If you know a military family who is
new in town, invite them over for a New Year's Day meal. However
you may choose to help a military family, consider it a small
thank you for how they have contributed to our liberty. By helping
them, you are supporting and giving peace of mind to a military
member who is risking so much for our freedom.
Patricia Erickson is the family resources manager at Family First,
an independent, non-profit research and communications
organization dedicated to strengthening families. She is also the
proud daughter of a veteran.
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