Education

“Back to School Jitters”

By: Michelle C. Rexach, School Psychologist

Going to school for the first time or returning to school after a long time of being with caregivers can be a source of anxiety for many children.    If you remember how nervous you felt when you went to college, or for your first day at work, just imagine how it feels for a little one!  While many fears arise from various factors, such as fear of being rejected by peers (feelings of inadequacy), social anxiety and fear of not being able to compete academically with peers, the most common reason is separation anxiety (deep fear of separating from one or more caregivers). And while parents will be tempted to get deeply upset over their child’s crying and clinginess, it is important to remember that these first experiences with separation are the foundations for building confidence for future separations during adulthood.  

There are many things parents and caregivers can do to help minimize back to school jitters.  Here are a seven recommendations I find to be useful:

• Avoid the temptation to give in and skip school.  If your child does stay home due to an unforeseen illness on the first days, do not make it an extra fun day.

• Always refer to school as a positive and fun experience. Talk to teachers and learn the highlights of the day, and the names of the other kids so you can remind your child about the fun times he will have that day. 

• Make goodbyes short and sweet. Give a quick kiss and a hug and promise that someone will be back to pick him or her up. Avoid slipping away! This will only instill distrust and worsen his fears. If the child is young and extremely clingy, (won’t let go) let the teacher assist you, continue to say goodbye and promise you will return.

• Be empathetic and supportive of your child's feelings. Avoid scolding or making fun of his crying. Let the child know that you understand how scary it is to be separated from you or dad. Do validate his feelings, but don’t focus too much on the negative.  

• Make sure you have a routine.  Morning and evening rituals help tremendously in making their lives predictable and fostering a feeling of security, which in turn will help tune down anxieties.

• If necessary and with teachers permission, let the child take along objects from home (make sure they are small) to remind him of that sense of security.  A small token or family photo works well. 

• Remember that many other factors can aggravate anxiety, including tiredness, illness, changes in household routine, or changes in the school or classroom, like moving to a different class, building, or losing a teacher the child was comfortable with.

Michelle is founder of Psycoeducational Services of Tampa Bay. She has been in practice for over 6 years, starting in San Juan, PR. She is an author of three books on the subjects of discipline, giftedness and divorce, and also offers seminars and conferences nationwide, including South and Central America.  

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