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Winners Never Quit and Quitters
Never Win
By Andrea
Pastorok, Ph.D
As parents, we teach our children a
great deal more than we often give ourselves credit for and many
of the lessons learned at home are lessons that children learn for
life. Take persistence -- in my opinion, this skill is best
taught in the home
Yet the study of “What makes some
individuals persist despite the difficulty or drudgery of the
task, while others quit or easily give up?” is something of a
science in itself. It’s a
simple question, but the answer is
terribly complex. Some psychologists believe that there is a
center in the brain, which determines one’s motivation to succeed.
Some think that persistence is related to an external reward
system. And still others believe that perseverance occurs because
of an intrinsic reward system. This means that we do something for
the pure joy of doing it or of reaching our goal.
In order to achieve a goal, most
individuals naturally break their goal down into a series of small
steps. Generally speaking, if we fail at one of these steps, but
try again and succeed, we will move on to the next. Provided that
no one individual step is insurmountable, we will complete the
task and reach our goal. However, if we quit or stop trying after
failing at a step along the way, we will fail at the entire task
and never reach our goal.
Our children’s past experiences of
success and failure also help form their attitude toward
achievement. By the time children are 8-12 years old, they already
have developed a self-perception as an achiever or a non-achiever.
Children who are motivated to succeed usually set moderately
difficult goals, which are reachable. Those who strive to avoid
failure set goals that either are trivial or impossible to reach.
The child who is fearful of success sets no goals. This success
avoider often is fearful that becoming successful will lead to
greater expectations that he or she will not be able to meet.
Parents and educators need to recognize when the child’s goals are
set either too high or too low, and then they need to encourage
the student to shift to more appropriate tasks.
Parents and educators need to be aware
of the goals our children set and assist them in recognizing the
steps they need to take to achieve them. We need to support our
children as they proceed along the path toward success. We need to
be sensitive to the fact that whether a failure is big or small,
it produces negative feelings such as anxiety, sadness, or anger.
Although, in moderation, these feelings can be stimulating, these
same feelings also can be discouraging. But in order for a child
to be successful and to feel mastery, it often is necessary for
the child to try, fail, and try again before success is met. In
this model, failure on a particular step and feeling bad about it
are seen as necessary building blocks to overall success and long
lasting good feelings.
Children and parents alike learn
persistence by being required to persevere. By interspersing
easy work with challenging material, students are trained to
achieve through repetition and mastery. What better way to
succeed, to avoid the pitfalls of giving up and failing, than to
practice persistence on a daily basis. Kumon offers parents a
great opportunity to train their children and to give them the
gift of perseverance.
By Andrea
Pastorok, Ph.D., Educational Psychologist / School Consultant
Reprinted with permission
© 1999 Kumon USA, Inc. |
