Spare the Rod
Ten Reasons to Not Spank Your Child
By
Dr. Caron B. Goode,
www.acpi.biz
Parents wear
many hats. Among them are role model, doctor, and chauffeur.
Often their most difficult role is that of disciplinarian.
Disciplining children is complex. It requires patience and
understanding. For centuries, spanking was the primary
discipline tool. Unfortunately, it is ineffective and can be
harmful. Countless studies have shown that spanking does little
more than perpetuate aggression and violence. This is only one
reason to not spank your child. Here are ten more.
Ten Reasons to Not Spank Your Child
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It does not work. One
reason spanking does not work is that children often forget
why they are being punished. They think only of the physical
pain. Also, spanking does not encourage good behavior. In
fact, it does the opposite. Studies show the more a child is
spanked, the more aggressive he becomes.
-
It teaches hitting. Children
are great mimics. They watch parents for clues. Then they
imitate their behavior. Spanking teaches them that hitting
is acceptable. It also makes them more aggressive. As adults
they are more prone to violence. In addition, they often
spank their own children. This action continues the cycle of
violence.
-
It instills fear. Some
spanked children learn to fear their spanker. They learn
nothing other than to be afraid to repeat the behavior. This
fear also makes them withdraw from their parents and lack
trust.
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It produces anger. All
children feel punishment is unfair. For those who are
spanked, the unfairness turns to anger. On the outside they
seem compliant. But on the inside they are harboring anger.
An anger that threatens their well-being.
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It erodes self-esteem.
Parents are ground zero when it comes to self-esteem.
Children use their parents’ perception of them as their
self-image. To a child, spanking tells them they are bad. It
also tells them they are small and weak. This erodes his
self-esteem. It also makes him feel powerless and devalued.
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It makes parents lose site
of alternatives. Once a parent begins spanking, it is
easy to forget there are alternatives. There are many ways
to discipline a child. All of which are far more effective
than spanking. One book, Connection Parenting, by Pam
Leo, teaches how to connect with your child to meet their
needs so you won’t have the need to punish through spanking.
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It can lead to abuse.
It has been proven that spanking does not work. What do
parents do when hitting their children does not make them
obey? They hit harder. Then harder still until they cross
the line from spanking to abuse.
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It hurts parents too.
Many parents don’t like spanking. They do not feel good
about it as discipline. But it may all they know. After they
spank their children they feel guilty. They also feel
powerless because spanking doesn’t work.
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It can replace good
memories. Many parents work hard to build fond childhood
memories. The hurt of spanking can easily replace these good
thoughts. This process mirrors one of the reasons spanking
doesn’t work. Spanked children often forget why they are
being punished. Instead they concentrate on the pain. This
pain can make them forget positive childhood memories too.
-
It weakens the parent-child
relationship. Spanking puts an emotional wedge between
parent and child. Children depend on their parents to care
for them. They trust them and their authority. Authority
based on fear makes children lose respect for parents. It is
hard to respect someone that hurts you. Lack of respect
leads to more behavior problems. This, in turn, leads to
more spanking. This cycle puts distance between the parent
and child. It also has a negative impact on their
relationship.
Dr. Caron B.
Goode is the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents
International, a training and certification program for parent
coaches. In addition to duties with the academy, Goode is the
founding editor of the website InspiredParenting.net, and
the author of eleven books, the most recent of which is Help
Kids Cope with Stress & Trauma, which includes several
chapters on he use of storytelling strategies. For more
information on The Academy for Coaching Parents International or
to sign up for academy announcements, visit
www.acpi.biz .
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