What a Chore!
Coaching Tweens to Get Chores
Done
By: Dr. Caron B. Goode,
www.acpi.biz
Tweens have a lot on their
plates. They have school, friends, extracurricular activities,
and impending puberty. It’s no wonder they have a hard time
remembering their chores!
Common sense tells us tweens
don’t remember chores because they are not important—to them. To
tweens, chores may seem senseless. To parents, however, regular
chores represent a sense of responsibility and belonging. Chores
introduce tweens to the concepts of teamwork and time
management. They also help build self-esteem and self-worth
through pride in a job well done.
Before chores can teach these
lessons, however, children must actually do them. Therefore,
chores can be an effective parenting tool only if you master the
art of motivating your tween.
Charts, reminders, and well
placed notes are all ways of motivating your child. These
methods can be very effective, but they can also be very time
consuming. If time is something you have precious little of,
take heart. There is a way of motivating your tween that does
not increase your already heavy workload.
Motivating Your Tween With
Personal Style
One of the most effective ways to
motivate your tween is to consider his or her personal style
first. Personal style is how an individual responds to people,
time, situations, and tasks. One person may value relationships
above all else. While another feels that punctuality is most
important. Still others may strive for speed and efficiency.
Knowing how your tween responds
to chores is the key to keeping her on track. These responses
are determined by her personal style. There are four personal
styles—cognitive, behavioral, affective, and interpersonal. Most
individuals have a combination of traits from all four, but are
typically dominant in one. Use the chart below to identify your
child’s style and how she responds to tasks. By observing and
interacting with these responses, it is possible to successfully
motivate your tween with less conflict.
Getting Chores Done with Personal
Style
|
Style |
Traits |
Likes |
Dislikes |
Approach |
|
Cognitive |
*Analytical
*Orderly
*Organized
*Disciplined
*Serious
*Consistent
*Critical
*Logical
*Persistent
*Stubborn |
*To be
told how to do chores first
* Having
plenty of time to complete chores
* Being
given a deadline |
*Not
being given ample time to finish a chore
*Feeling as if efforts are unappreciated
* Being
rushed or surprised
* Being
interrupted |
*Tell
your child what chore you want her to do and how to do it.
Then give her a deadline, making sure she has more than
enough time to finish. |
|
Behavioral |
*Independent
*Productive
*Competitive
*Results-oriented
*Impatient
*Problem- solver
*Quick
Acting
*Walks
to her own drummer |
*A fast
pace
*Cooperation
*To be
given freedom
*To be
told what to do and when to do it
*They
are allowed to find shortcuts
*Being
rewarded |
*Wasting
time
*Dealing
with details
*Others
trying to control them
*When
others talk too much
*When
others are act and react emotionally |
*Tell
your child what chore to do and when. That is all the
instruction she needs. Don’t try to control her- allow her
to complete the chore in her own way. |
|
Affective |
*Enthusiastic
*Energetic
*Creative
*Gregarious
*Undisciplined
*Easily
loses track of time
*Intuitive |
*Being
challenged in a fun way
*Flexibility
*A fast
pace
*Having
fun
*Enthusiasm
*Affection
*Playing
games |
*When
others are too task oriented
*Being
confined
*Dealing
with details
*When
her achievements go unrecognized |
*Tell
your child what chore to do and give her a deadline. Since
she tends to lose track of time, give her a generous
timeline as a guide. |
|
Interpersonal |
*Laid
back
*Dependable
*Persistent
*Mature
*Cooperative
*Helpful
*Practical
*Patient
*Loyal
*Tenacious
*Introverted |
*To be
trusted with important tasks
*A
factual and practical approach
*To be
asked instead of told what to do
*Others
to define expectations |
*When
others don’t respect boundaries
*When
her efforts are unappreciated
*Overbearing and forceful individuals
*When
others take advantage of her helpful nature |
*Ask her
to do a chore and give her practical and proven instruction.
Be sure to thoroughly outline your expectations so she knows
exactly what you expect of her. |
Identifying your child’s personal
style can help you keep her motivated. Learn her responses, act
on them, and generously praise her efforts. Soon, chore time
frustration will be a thing of the past for you and for her.
Bio: Dr. Caron Goode is the founder of the
Academy for Coaching Parents International which provides
training and certification for students to operate their own
Parent Coaching business. Her most recent book is Help Kids Cope
with Stress & Trauma. Get the free parenting e-zine at
www.inspiredparenting.net Caron and her husband, Tom Goode, ND,
live in Ft. Worth, Texas.
